I love summer. There's something invigorating about sitting on the beach under an umbrella, drinking a bourbon and coke and reading a book. Call me a 45 year old woman if you will, but it's my thing. It takes practically no convincing to get me to go to the beach. Unless it's one of the fine (read: sarcasm) beaches of the Jersey Shore.
By the way this is the only time you will ever hear me refer to it as "the shore." But that's another rant for another time.
When I moved to the New Jersey coast for my job, I could not wait for summer. The thought of living 15 minutes from the ocean was exhilarating. My first encounter completely changed my mind.
My girlfriend and I visited Belmar, a beach she often frequented as a child. We parked the car and trekked 1/2 a mile to the beach,(Why beach towns here don't build parking lots near the ocean, I will never understand)and finally arrived.
I couldn't wait to feel the sand between my toes. I began to walk down the boardwalk steps towards the ocean when an 85 year old woman barked, "You didn't pay".
"Pay for what?" I asked. The boardwalk troll replied, "To go on the beach". This seemed oddly foreign and completely ridiculous to me. I asked how much and was told that I needed to pay 8 dollars for admission to the beach. OH HELLLLLL NO. I thought it was a joke at first.
I'm sorry, but that's %^&*!@@# insane. I'm not cheap by any stretch of the imagination and I don't mind paying for things. But I do not understand why the beach towns in New Jersey charge admission to something that is free everywhere else in the country.
What does this money go towards anyway?
It certainly doesn't go towards keeping the beach clean, And it certainly doesn't go towards keeping it safe.d I know this because I passed a couple having sex under a blanket while searching for a place to sit. And it doesn't go towards keeping the number of people on the beach down because it took forever to find a place to sit.
The locals argue the money goes towards paying for lifeguards and police to "babysit" the vacationing "Bennies" or tourists. OK fine, I understand that. But do you honestly believe that other beach communities across the country don't have those same needs?
They do, and they pay for them with taxes.
Why?
Because those tourists come to town and they spend money. That money (through taxes) helps to improve the quality of life in the community. Without those tourists, the town would not thrive.
QED: catering to their needs a little is probably a good idea. I've never seen more instances of "biting the hand that feeds you" than a Jersey beach town. (I'm looking at you Point Pleasant Beach.)
If you're not willing to endure summer traffic and annoying tourists without complaint, and if you're not willing to pay for it, then perhaps it's time to move to place where no one wants to visit, like Kansas.
It really doesn't matter to me either way though. You won't catch me soaking up the sun on a Jersey beach anytime soon.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Recalculating...
New Jersey drivers are angry, impatient, and rude. Honestly, I don't blame them. Driving is a pain in the ass here.
First, let's define a New Jersey road. I've driven on nicer cow paths. Jersey roads resemble the face of a 13-year-old boy: pockmarked, cracked, and riddled with oil, dirt, and shame. I realize that there is a much greater volume of traffic here than you might find in the south and thus, the roads deteriorate faster.
The problem, however, is many of these pot holes will never get fixed and instead continue to grow in size until they swallow a Lincoln Navigator on its way to stare at Springsteen's shore house in Seaside. THis isn't a shot at the hard working people of NJDOT. Those guys are doing the best they can. But they're outnumbered 6 Billion to 1. However, I digress...
New Jersey's road system had to have been designed by a 3 year old with a broken Etch-a-Sketch. They say the quickest way between two points in a straight line. There's no such thing here, instead. We have the jughandle.
What's a jughandle? Why it's the most backwards way to turn left EVER! Instead of going left, you go to the right! Think of it as an interstate off ramp at nearly every turn.
Often, the jughandle is on the opposite side of the cross street from you. That means in order to turn left. You must wait for the light, drive straight through the intersection, immediately exit to the right and then...WAIT FOR THE SAME LIGHT AGAIN, ON THE STREET YOU JUST CROSSED!
If the point of a jughandle is to speed up the flow of traffic then how is that accomplished by increasing the amount time a car will spend navigating a single intersection?
There are a few places where making a normal left hand turn is possible. But driver beware, you will never have the right away due to the constant stream of traffic driving past you. You’ll probably end up making that left just as the light turns red.
And because you made that last second dash to the left, someone will probably HONK and yell at you for making them wait 3/10TH of a nanosecond. For God's sake, don't bother giving them the finger…that's how we say hello in New Jersey...
By the way, don't bother using your GPS. It won't help. Honestly, the good people at Garmin and TomTom etc. should just remove New Jersey maps from their GPS models and replace them with a little flashing message that simply says: "You're F$%#ed. Welcome to the Garden State"
First, let's define a New Jersey road. I've driven on nicer cow paths. Jersey roads resemble the face of a 13-year-old boy: pockmarked, cracked, and riddled with oil, dirt, and shame. I realize that there is a much greater volume of traffic here than you might find in the south and thus, the roads deteriorate faster.
The problem, however, is many of these pot holes will never get fixed and instead continue to grow in size until they swallow a Lincoln Navigator on its way to stare at Springsteen's shore house in Seaside. THis isn't a shot at the hard working people of NJDOT. Those guys are doing the best they can. But they're outnumbered 6 Billion to 1. However, I digress...
New Jersey's road system had to have been designed by a 3 year old with a broken Etch-a-Sketch. They say the quickest way between two points in a straight line. There's no such thing here, instead. We have the jughandle.
What's a jughandle? Why it's the most backwards way to turn left EVER! Instead of going left, you go to the right! Think of it as an interstate off ramp at nearly every turn.
Often, the jughandle is on the opposite side of the cross street from you. That means in order to turn left. You must wait for the light, drive straight through the intersection, immediately exit to the right and then...WAIT FOR THE SAME LIGHT AGAIN, ON THE STREET YOU JUST CROSSED!
If the point of a jughandle is to speed up the flow of traffic then how is that accomplished by increasing the amount time a car will spend navigating a single intersection?
There are a few places where making a normal left hand turn is possible. But driver beware, you will never have the right away due to the constant stream of traffic driving past you. You’ll probably end up making that left just as the light turns red.
And because you made that last second dash to the left, someone will probably HONK and yell at you for making them wait 3/10TH of a nanosecond. For God's sake, don't bother giving them the finger…that's how we say hello in New Jersey...
By the way, don't bother using your GPS. It won't help. Honestly, the good people at Garmin and TomTom etc. should just remove New Jersey maps from their GPS models and replace them with a little flashing message that simply says: "You're F$%#ed. Welcome to the Garden State"
Monday, June 14, 2010
A blog about hate for the Garden State
Three years ago I moved to New Jersey for a new job. Until now, I have spent my entire life in Virginia and North Carolina. Upon arriving in Jersey, I immediately felt like a stranger in a foreign land and after 3 years I still find the strange ways of the Garden State unnerving on a daily basis.
What follows are my observations on life in what I consider the most backwards state in America. Before you unleash a mortar barrage of hate mail because you don't agree with my point of view, keep several things in mind.
These are my personal observations at some of the funnier/more ludicrous things about New Jersey. I don't hold any animosity towards the people living here and I genuinely believe that they do love this place. I simply don't.
Before you call me a hick or a redneck, remember, I lived in the south for 24 years, I've heard it all. If you really feel the need to list all the things that are terrible about life in the south, (funny accents, the racism and the ignorant people) go ahead, I've heard all that too. The South is far from perfect. Just as an aside, I've experienced all of those things here too.
Finally, If you just can't keep from emailing me to say, "If you hate it so much, then leave," fear not my friend, I plan on heeding your advice as soon as possible. For now, I'm here and I'll keep laughing at this place.
What follows are my observations on life in what I consider the most backwards state in America. Before you unleash a mortar barrage of hate mail because you don't agree with my point of view, keep several things in mind.
These are my personal observations at some of the funnier/more ludicrous things about New Jersey. I don't hold any animosity towards the people living here and I genuinely believe that they do love this place. I simply don't.
Before you call me a hick or a redneck, remember, I lived in the south for 24 years, I've heard it all. If you really feel the need to list all the things that are terrible about life in the south, (funny accents, the racism and the ignorant people) go ahead, I've heard all that too. The South is far from perfect. Just as an aside, I've experienced all of those things here too.
Finally, If you just can't keep from emailing me to say, "If you hate it so much, then leave," fear not my friend, I plan on heeding your advice as soon as possible. For now, I'm here and I'll keep laughing at this place.
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